Living the dream

Love friendship career at this point i am feeling so low that I feel I have lost it all. so many expectations so many dreams all dying a withering death slowly i thought this would be a second wind it turns out to be a maelstorm in which I am hopelessly caught.... there seems no hope a sense of loss is pervading and all ... it is frustrating to see yourself killing all hopes of a bright future that u might ve had its frustrating to see urself as if from a different plane go through the motions make the same mistakes again and againI dont know why I am writing this it seems as if i dont have anyone to share this with anymore I was happy in my college there were no expectations no one to satisfy nothing to prove here i can see my shortcomings all to glaringly . I want to be able to crack a good summers , I want to get some great marks I want to start winning again this spree of losing is too tough to bear I want to turn the tide before it swallows me whole ... I am turning into something I have always despised and have always feared every time before whenever there was a signal I would somehow scrape through. i would be scared but somehow I always escaped to make up yet another story all these years i have only been fooling myself of my abilities now there seems no way out its as if i have been surrounded and am being sucked into a never ending vortex I just want the strength of turning it around. I just want to be the guy I always wanted to become but never had the  confidence to be or maybe the capability to be. funny thing is i know nobody will read this i hope nobody does but guess i just had to blow off some steam.............